Not to be a total downer but I’m pretty bummed right now. With only 10 weeks until my goal race where I hope to PR in the marathon, I have a lot of work left to do. I was excited to go into the week and kill my workouts, push hard and get some quality miles in. Instead, by the end of the week, my runs were one bust after another.
A PROMISING START TO THE WEEK
The week started off okay with a nice 6 mile run at Torrey Pines. On Tuesday I hit up a Core40 class where I had my ass kicked (per usual). I find the Pilates style classes at this particular studio incredibly challenging and although my heart rate hardly gets elevated, I know I am working every muscle in my body and I usually have sweat between my boobs. Always a good sign. Though I have to admit, I hate every second of it. It’s probably very similar to how a lot of people feel about running.
On Wednesday, Sheri and I did some hill repeats at sunset and everything was still on track. The next day, I ran 6.2 miles with Robin from work, and again, totally fine. Running felt as great as ever. Then Friday rolled around and I attempted my 800 meter repeats. It was not happening. They just felt physically impossible. I’m not one to quit a hard workout and I’m pretty good at pushing through but it just wasn’t happening. I had to throw in the towel and switch my rest day to Friday. I felt physically exhausted. Wiped out. I went for a sunset hike with Brittany and Gunner instead.
YOU CAN’T FORCE IT
Come Saturday, I attempted those 800 meter repeats again. And again, impossible. Not even an option. They just weren’t happening. If my body had batteries, it was as though they were completely dead. I was so fatigued. Instead, I ran 6 easy miles and called it a day. I started to wonder if my anemia is back with a vengeance or if maybe I just need some extra rest.
Then Sunday I woke up at 5 a.m. for a 6:00 trail run with the girls. I was super excited to run. I was going on only 4 hours of sleep but still totally energized. We started the run and I immediately felt like my normal self. Right off the bat, running felt great again.
Two miles in, running full speed down a steep hill full of huge stones, I wiped out. As clumsy as I am, I’ve gotten pretty good at catching myself before I truly bite it. It’s not unusual for me to trip multiple times in one run but I usually catch my footing before actually hitting the ground. This time, I could feel myself falling and feel myself trying to correct it but BAM! I was down in a cloud of dust with dirt in my mouth. No biggie. Some blood and scratches are totally fine and I would normally dust myself off and continue running. You’ve seen my bloody feet on long runs, right? I can handle it.
This was different though. Had it been a dirt trail – I would have been fine, but I landed on a huge rock. The trail was all rocks at that point so not an ideal place to fall. I had sharp pain in my hip, up through my side and around to my back. I knew instantly, there was no possible way I could run. I honestly wanted to cry but I don’t cry in front of people. Jenna was so sweet and walked the two miles back with me which took well over 40 minutes. She was kind of sick with a sore throat so she promised it wasn’t inconveniencing her, but I still felt awful. We let Lauren and Kat go off and run, we hobbled back, and I tried not to be jealous. It turns out, Jenna’s mom is an astrologer so she was telling me all about what’s going on with the planets right now and how it may have caused my fall. She was being the eternal optimist, “Kate, don’t you see, this was meant to happen!” she kept saying.
LETTING GO OF THE OUTCOME
I really wanted to run 14-16 miles. I really wanted this week to kick ass after I cut back my mileage last week. I really wanted to prove to myself that I can PR at this marathon in November and now I feel like that may not be possible. Time is running out. I cried on my drive home because honestly, the pain was so bad that it hurt to even push my gas pedal and also because I started to feel my PR slipping out of reach. Since I don’t usually cry in front of people, I saved it all up for my solo car ride.
The pain is bad. Getting in and out of bed is the worst. Rolling over is the second worst. Walking is manageable but laughing is a big fat NO and I laugh a lot. Ouch. I have no idea what the hell I did to my body today but I know for certain that I will not be running this week (at the very LEAST). I’ll be shocked and thrilled if I can even run next week.
I depend on running in a lot of ways – to manage my stress, to help with my mood, and to feel generally well.
How will I manage my stress if it turns out I am truly injured? How will I get that happy rush without running?
Well, I will keep busy. I will blog more. 🙂 I will finish the book I’m in the middle of and then start another one. I’ll journal. Meditate. Drink wine with friends. I will take slow, easy walks with Brittany and the dogs if I can. I’ll catch the sunset every evening because the days will be super short again before we know it. I’ll call my sisters and catch up over the phone. I’ll try not to go crazy.
WHEN THE UNIVERSE TALKS… LISTEN.
I think the universe has tried to slow me down time and time again and it took a big, huge, dirty, painful crash to finally do the trick. Here I am, sitting still. It’s weird. I don’t know if I like it. But I’m listening. I get it. I’ll take a break. I will slow the F down. I’ll breathe. I’ll do a little less.
I know this isn’t a catastrophe by any means. I’m not delusional. It’s not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. But putting my training on hold – the thing that has been driving me and amping me up – is definitely hard. I don’t have a choice about running but I do have a choice about how I handle it.
I got the message, universe. I’ll be here, chillin.’ But please don’t test me and make me chill for too long.